Friday, April 10, 2009

Who is in Control?

I have control issues. There I said it. And I hate it. For the first time today, I looked up the word "control" in Webster's dictionary. I don't like it. It is an ugly word when misused. I hate feeling out of control. I don't like it when things are out of order in my life. Sadly, when I feel out-of-control in most situations, especially with my family, I tend to use words as my defense. Never good! Words hurt. Words are not easily forgotten. I absolutely hate it when I let my tongue take control. An entire section in the book of James is devoted to the taming of the tongue. Clearly an important matter!

It never ceases to amaze me how one sentence or word said in anger or hurt can erase a thousand words of love and affirmation. After I have said something that I desperately wish I hadn't, my heart just aches. I want to take it back. I want to make it right. Just like the story about the tube of toothpaste - once the toothpaste is out of the tube - there is no getting it back in. It is messy when you try.

Why do we tend to hurt the ones we love the most with our words? Some of the things I have said to my husband or children over the years, I would never have thought of saying to a stranger. There are no excuses. Reading James 3 makes me just want to cry. The same mouth that I sing praises to my Lord with and kiss my husband with, is the same one I have used to hurt the people I love the most.

Living within the boundaries that God has laid out for us is where I want to spend the rest of my life. I don't do well when I try to be in control. I want to live a life submitted to what God wants and to the order that God has called for in my home and marriage. When I bow my knee, my tongue is less likely to say things it shouldn't. When I relinquish control of my life to God, things will be much better than when I try to hold on to all the pieces and put them in place the way I think they should be. Self-control is biblical. Self-control allows God to be in control. I need to spend more time working on self-control than on controlling everything around me!

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