Friday, October 9, 2009


I am facing one of those inner flesh against soul battles today. Self and pride versus compassion and care. I have recently been placed in a situation that involves having and demonstrating a true compassion for someone I know. Having true compassion is far from easy when it effects you and your time and costs you something. Then it is a whole different game.

And so I confess, I didn't want to have compassion after day 10 or whatever day we are on. In a moment of complete selfishness, I wanted to say "woe is ME - Does anybody notice the sacrifice I AM making?" After all, my health is fine, my family is fine so shouldn't it be about me instead of the person who is going through a horribly difficult time. (If you don't know me - I mean that sarcastically). But sadly, my feelings probably weren't very far from that if someone had tapped into my brain and heart and displayed my feelings on a screen.

The whole situation just brought some of the ugliness inside of me right up to the surface. I had to admit that having compassion and empathy are easy if we only have to pay lip service to it. It isn't so easy if it causes stress in our lives or inconveniences us in any way. It is even harder if you feel like no one notices the sacrifices you are making on behalf of someone else. I know, I know, I know - totally selfish. I'm sorry. God and I are working this one out in me.

Oh LORD, help me to have a right heart and spirit and to love others as you have loved us. No greater sacrifice was made than the one you made on my behalf. Forgive me when I fall short. Transform my heart, mind and soul into a likeness of you. Don't give up on me - I want to finish the race strong.


Jewda said...

I understand how you feel. Hope it gets better.

By the way, you wouldn't be talking about Kenny, would you? I know he's pretty needy.

Kim said...

No it's not Kenny :)

All is good - just had an "I don't feel like having the right attitude moment."

Nice family pic!

Jewda said...

Thanks. Jakob's in the pic; he's just hiding.

I've felt that way before.

Kim said...

Jewda - I meant the family pic that was on twitter. You just crack us up.

But other pic is nice too!

Jewda said...

Oh yeah, that one. I got a lot of positive feedback on that picture. Sarah bought me the WillowTree thing for Father's Day, and then the little Asian is a Puka. I figured it could be Sarah.

Beth H. said...

I find that I am more likely to have these "woe is me" moments and lack of compassion for others when I have a 2 week period (or so) like you tell about in your following post. When life gets too busy for a spell, it can be draining on you, making it more difficult to pour yourself out further for others who need more of you. Just a thought...