I am facing one of those inner flesh against soul battles today. Self and pride versus compassion and care. I have recently been placed in a situation that involves having and demonstrating a true compassion for someone I know. Having true compassion is far from easy when it effects you and your time and costs you something. Then it is a whole different game.
And so I confess, I didn't want to have compassion after day 10 or whatever day we are on. In a moment of complete selfishness, I wanted to say "woe is ME - Does anybody notice the sacrifice I AM making?" After all, my health is fine, my family is fine so shouldn't it be about me instead of the person who is going through a horribly difficult time. (If you don't know me - I mean that sarcastically). But sadly, my feelings probably weren't very far from that if someone had tapped into my brain and heart and displayed my feelings on a screen.
The whole situation just brought some of the ugliness inside of me right up to the surface. I had to admit that having compassion and empathy are easy if we only have to pay lip service to it. It isn't so easy if it causes stress in our lives or inconveniences us in any way. It is even harder if you feel like no one notices the sacrifices you are making on behalf of someone else. I know, I know, I know - totally selfish. I'm sorry. God and I are working this one out in me.
Oh LORD, help me to have a right heart and spirit and to love others as you have loved us. No greater sacrifice was made than the one you made on my behalf. Forgive me when I fall short. Transform my heart, mind and soul into a likeness of you. Don't give up on me - I want to finish the race strong.