Tonight was our last women's Tuesday night bible study for the year 2009. With mixed feelings, it was the last week of 11 weeks of Beth Moore's The Patriarchs. My mixed feelings weren't so much about this last study as they were about what is yet to come. God saw fit to allow a real wintry mix to hit our part of the woods tonight and it seemed to be fitting of all that was in my heart.
For weeks I have known, or at least had a very strong suspicion, that I would be taking the month of January off from organized Tuesday night bible study. There are days I have longed for a season with less to do so that I could focus more on my own relationship with God. I have needed it. God and I have some matters to attend to so that my own spiritual growth will be just that - growth. I long to be more intentional in the area of spiritual disciplines. I long to be more like Jesus and that doesn't happen if we don't carve out specific time for him.
But as I looked at the faces of the women in the study and then drove home in the dark, sleety/rainy/snowy/slushy weather I realized my soul felt kind of like the elements - mixed. I am absolutely crazy about the women in our bible study! Some of us have journeyed through 2 1/2 years and 8 in-depth bible studies together. Some of us just met for the first time 11-weeks ago. But either way - I love each one of them. I lamented all the way home at the thought of not being together for the next 7 weeks. Less than 30 minutes had passed before I longed to start preparing for next week's study.
Then I thought of how much I need and desire to draw closer to the Lord and to sit at his feet. It is necessary for me and for the women in the study. If I don't spend time growing in my relationship with my Savior, how can I ask them to.
I'm not sure what God has in store for the next few weeks. My soul truly felt like the weather. My emotions couldn't decide exactly what they wanted to feel. Somehow all kinds of feelings just seemed to happen all at the same time and there were no other words to describe them than "wintry mix".
I will draw away for a season to be with the LORD and as I do, I will also be waiting expectantly for what He has in store. I know that I will not be disappointed - no matter the mix of emotions that come my way.