Sunday, July 25, 2010

The Maze

Many years ago our family went to Myrtle Beach for vacation. My sister-in-law had told me about this really cool place to visit that was a maze called the Rat Race. You would actually enter the maze and have to find your way out on your own after encountering dead-ends, mirrors and various turns; all with absolutely no written or verbal directions. The walls of the maze went from the ground up to a height high enough that you could not see over them. You need to understand that it was about 90+ degrees outside and black pavement underneath. I was a mom with two younger children. Being directionally challenged only added to my absolute hatred of this 'game'. I love mazes, I love challenges, but I hate feeling like I am trapped and there is no way out and I can't get my children out or find my husband either. After finally verbally asking for help, someone from on top of a roof of the business will give you verbal directions to help you out. Once out and my near-panic-attack had subsided we grabbed blue snow cones from the concession stand. You can figure out what happened next. I clearly still bear the scars of that day!

Recently I have felt like I am still in that maze. Running into one dead-end after another, making no visible progress, unable to see where I am going or how far I have to go and suppressing panic-attack wannabes all along the way. Worse yet, no one is shouting from the roof with directions that will make the journey shorter or more clear. This post is not a pity party post. It has come as the result of some soul searching.

I have found myself frustrated - a lot - lately in a a lot of different areas. Most of them just really aren't meant to be shared. Some are personal goals and desires and others are spiritual. But whatever the case, here's the deal: I have no one to blame and no 'maze' to complain about that would be stopping me from getting out of the rut or to end of the tunnel. I think in some areas I just simply stopped, sat-down, and have been waiting for God to do something to get me out of this funk. God, on the other hand, did all he needed to do and has been watching to see if I will get up and move in some discernible direction. I might make a wrong move, but at least I will be moving and I am certain that God will let me know when I am heading in the wrong direction whatever it might be.

I just need lots of time in His Word and in prayer. Neither of those have ever failed me. The last few weeks have been unbearably hot and humid here. Praise God that he has at least allowed me to be in the comfort of air-conditioning while I seek out some answers and not in the middle of some black-pavement, high-walled, no-breeze, pathetic human maze.

P.S. And right now my precious grandson is on his way to my house with his parents. That has absolutely nothing to do with this post - but a grandma has ever right to talk about her grandchild whenever she pleases. Amen?!


Anonymous said...

Kim, Boy have I felt the same way lately. I have been so bogged down with "stuff" and Satan's lies about me. It has all really wrecked havok on me and has affected my family because I have been miserable. Why do I let Satan get to me? I know the reason....I have not been listening and searching where I need to be. God is always the answer. We just have to remember to ask Him for help and not try to do it all on our own. Miss you and love you Kim. Can't wait to see you tomorrow night at practice!!!! Susan V.

Gigi said...

From one Grammy to another...Amen!