The lyrics rolled off my tongue in worship this morning. "It will be my joy to say Your will Your way. It will be my joy to say Your will Your way always."
As everyone else continued standing and singing, I sat down to write those words in my journal so that I would not forget. Your will Your way. Really? Is that what I meant? Did I mean that I wanted God's will in my life and that I wanted His will to be played out HIS way. Or do I only say "Your will God" and secretly hope that He does it MY way? If I'm honest, that is probably true.
And then what about it being my joy to say Your will Your way? And always? Isn't there something within each of us that finds it joyful for God's will to be done when we don't suffer or sacrifice or have to wait.
If there is suffering, sacrifice or putting the interests of others before our own and these things are happening because it is God's will in our life for it to happen that way, where's the joy then?
If the prayers earnestly prayed at the midnight hour aren't answered in the way we would like, do our hearts fill with joy and praise that God's will is being done? Or does a cloud of doubt and despair overshadow all the goodness of God in our hearts and minds?
For seven years, I have prayed some very specific prayers to God that He handled His way. His will was was being done His way and not mine. And I can honestly say I am thankful. I wasn't always thankful though. My trust and faith didn't always run deep enough, but God was faithful and has been with me through it all. That was His will and His way of doing things.
If everything had been done my way, there would have been utter failure in the end. My faith would have been wilting and my pride would have been growing. The end results would have the residue of a human and finite finish and ultimately would crumble. Instead, the end results are proving to be absolutely divine and in-explainable by any human standard.
The process of change continues and it doesn't mean that it is always easy. But I am learning to trust and believe that God's will done God's way is always best.